in some cases, interfering with tests that check pool._refs

simplify tox again now that we can exclude tests more easily

1. make sure pool._invalidate() sets the timestamp up before
invalidating the target connection.  we can otherwise show how the
conn.invalidate() + pool._invalidate() can lead to an extra connection
being made.
2. to help with that, soften up the check on connection.invalidate()
when connection is already closed. a warning is fine here
3. add a mutex to test_max_overflow() when we connect, because the way
we're using mock depends on an iterator, that needs to be synchronized

recycles the connection pool when a "disconnect" condition is detected;
instead of discarding the pool and explicitly closing out connections,
the pool is retained and a "generational" timestamp is updated to
reflect the current time, thereby causing all existing connections
to be recycled when they are next checked out.   This greatly simplifies
the recycle process, removes the need for "waking up" connect attempts
waiting on the old pool and eliminates the race condition that many
immediately-discarded "pool" objects could be created during the
recycle operation. fixes #2985