make tests wait for *exactly* the right confirms, no more, no fewer

This does introduce a 100ms pause for every invocation; hopefully
enough for the msg_store to catch up and sync (the sync interval is
25ms) the usually small numbers of messages.

The confirm capture code now uses lists rather than gb_sets, as a
convenient 'bag' data structure. This can have O(n^2) perf, but we
only need to start worrying about that when the tests call this code
with thousands of msg ids, which currently they don't.

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